and we wake up, keep going
by MedusaOfTheSpecies
Summary: "It should have been me instead." :: Colin, after Dennis dies. :: For QLFC Round 10


QLFC Round 10: Colin Creevey survives. Additional Prompts: (word) reflection, (word) impact, (dialogue) "Have you been crying?"

**.**

Right before a flash of green light hits Colin straight in the chest, Dennis Creevey knocks him to the ground and takes it instead.

Dennis dies. The nurse who treats Colin at St. Mungos calls him lucky, tells him his biggest concern should be the impact from hitting the ground.

**.**

Colin wakes up to the smell of pancakes in the kitchen. For a second, he can almost pretend that it's just another summer day where he and Dennis sleep too much and don't do their homework nearly enough.

His illusion crashes like a house of cards though when he catches a glimpse of his reflection in the bedroom mirror and flinches at the empty second bed behind him. He's an only child now—the thought is as terrifying as it is alien.

"Colin?" When he turns around, his mum is leaning on the doorframe, looking years older then she should due to her concern. "Have you been crying?"

He hadn't even noticed the tears begin to fall but they do, staining his pyjama shirt. "It should have been me instead."

His mother scoffs at that. She's a muggle but Colin's always thought that she'd get Gryffindor if she were magical. All his life, she had bulldozed her way through awkward conversations, and this clearly was no exception. He almost wishes it were. "Colin, honey, do you think it would have been easier if it was you? Do you think it would have been easier to hear Dennis cry instead?"

"He was my younger brother." Colin wipes his runny nose with the sleeves of his pyjama top. "I should have protected him."

His mother sighs at that, walking into the room and sitting on Denis's bed. "When I lost your Dad, honey, I thought that was it. I wanted to curl up in bed and die. I never thought I'd have a good day again."

"And then?" Colin sits down beside her, leaning his head on her shoulder. When she puts her arm around him, kissing his forehead, he feels eleven again, terrified at the thought of going to live in a magical castle. "How did you survive that?"

When his mother smiles, it's through tears. Her smile is wobbly, but it's the most stable thing Colin's ever known. "I didn't, baby. I cried myself to sleep. But your dad gifted me with two beautiful boys and I knew I had to take care of you two. And when my boys told me they were going to fight a war to keep people like me safe, I knew I couldn't stop them. I wish Dennis had come home, too, but Colin, honey, at least I have you."

**.**

It's raining the day of Dennis's funeral, but Dumbledore's Army shows up in its entirety. It's not just them—all the professors who taught Dennis show up too, along with hundreds of others who joined them during that last fight.

"How are you coping?"

Colin turns around to see Demelza Robins smiling awkwardly up at him. He's gotten tall, he realizes blearily, some time in that last year of running.

"I'm really not." The camera hanging from his neck shifts when he faces her, hitting his chest, but the feeling of cool metal is familiar and it inspires him to say more. "I miss him."

"I'm sorry," Demelza says. The entire conversation is a little bit too awkward, because Demelza is the kind of girl who cries over Quidditch but not over war, and Colin's the kind of boy who lives more in his photos then in the moment, but they've known each other for six years already. Awkwardness is subjective.

He's about to answer her when the crowd parts just a little and his eyes fall on someone who stands out. "Excuse me," he whispers to Demelza and makes his way through the swarm of people, ignoring wellwishers.

"Harry!" He yells, and Harry Potter turns around. Harry's got bags under his eyes and bruises to go along with it. He's skinny, the kind of skinny that would make Colin's mother frown, but he's alone and he's here and in the moment, that's enough.

"I'm sorry about Dennis," Harry says, and it's different than the way Demelza had said it earlier. Demelza had said it out of empathy, but Harry says it out of guilt.

"I'm glad you killed that bastard," Colin says instead of a response. "Thanks for coming, Harry."

Harry blushes uncomfortably, and Colin can almost imagine his brother staring up in awe at that, at the image of seeing the hero of the wizarding world embarrassed. The thought brings him a faint feeling of warmth, the kind that remains with him even as he watches his brother be lowered into the ground.

Dennis would have wanted more for him. It's time he lived up to his brothers expectations, to live the kind of future Dennis would have wanted.

**.**

Colin hangs around his mother's house for a few weeks after that. It's early July, and he's restless, even as he ignores the letters that come from Hogwarts.

"You're not going back," his mom says bluntly one early morning. It's not a question and he's not all that surprised. "Why?"

There's silence. "I don't want to see Hogwarts again," Colin says honestly. "I don't think I would survive that. Dennis and I...we loved Hogwarts, Mum. I can't return alone."

She nods at that, face weary and exhausted. Colin, out of all people, understands that—he's tired too, down to his bones. "What are you planning to do instead, honey?"

There's a lot he can say to that: he's sixteen, after all. He could run if he wanted, could travel the world and never return. He could take the DA-wide offer to join the Aurors, could help impact so many more lives, but that's not what he wants.

"The maternity ward at St. Mungo's needs a photographer for the newborn babies," Colin says slowly. His camera clinks against his chest as he reaches down to grab his mum's hand. "It doesn't pay that well, but I can build my portfolio and… I'd be doing what I love."

"I'm so proud of you, baby." His mum smiles through her tears, and oh, he's crying again too. Dennis always did have her smile, after all. It's almost like he's getting his brothers approval too. "You're going to make this family so proud."


End file.
